Sunday, September 27, 2009

Secret Diary of a Desperate Housewife-What is a cougar?


I kept hearing the term "Cougar"
being thrown around,
so I looked it up on-line.
It said a Cougar was a woman 40 plus
who sought younger men as lovers.
I thought cougar was an old lady,
I was shocked .Oh my God,
I am Forty!
Am I old? Am I a Cougar?

Am I old?
Well I am going with the old saying
"You are only as old as you feel" ,
I still feel pretty firm,
no laugh lines or crows feet
so I am not old!

Am I a Cougar?
Well thats a no too!
I have lived my entire life under
the misguided notion that age equals maturity.
Well in most things thats probably true,
but not when it comes to men.
Irregardless call me Anna Nicole Smith
cause I like older men.
There is just something about those AARP Benefits,
Senior Discounts and Hefty Insurance policies.

Maybe Cougar-ness is something you grow into.
A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend
and her 20-ish year old, son came into the room.
He walked over greeted me
with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
It made me a bit uncomfortable.
I am still not certain how it made me feel.
I do recall thinking if I was a Cougar,
I would be eating the attention up.

Growing up my Grandmother
had a friend named Candy.
She was from Italy and had a strong Italian accent.
She was very short and not a pretty lady
but she could talk the talk and then some.
At 70 she had a face lift,
and would still flash old men her cleavage.
Her favorite line was
come over to my house I have a jacuzzi,
or you look to skinny I make you some meatballs.
She feigned bad eye sight
when reaching to shake a mans hand
and usually groped him.
I used to joke
I am going to be just like Candy
when I grow up.

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